finding it here

it’s something I’ve never had

the kind that makes the bed

while I’m in the shower

he’s brought me breakfast in bed

an act of love I have never experienced

I could go on and on with moments

times when I have to blink extra hard

just to make sure its real

suddenly it is easy for me to see

there is room for me here

there is room for a us both.

I am not made to feel shame

I am safe to feel

safe to express myself

safe to love

I can be matched in empathy

matched in compassion

I do not need to be caretaker

and never caregiven

I can be both

he has changed the way I see it

adjusted the way I think

I am learning to trust

I am learning to lean into comfort

rather than fear

it is starting to feel like home

I am finding it here

salt skin sticky

you know that feeling

where your skin is that sort of sticky

that happens when you’ve just gotten out of ocean

when your hair is so tangled with salt water

running your fingers through it

its a useless thought

when grains of sand stick to your skin

as if they are glued

as you walk from the waves

your skin covered in goose bumps

but not from being cold

simply from the water

the sun

and the breeze

you make it back to your towel

the moment you lay down

the beating sun feels so hot it nearly takes your breath

that salt skin sticky feeling

just the thought takes me back to the place

a new orleans memory

the singing of a trumpet echoes down a brick alleyway

the wrought iron railings of balconies vibrate above

a warm humid breeze kicks up the bottom of my floral sundress

flags and ribbons of surrounding shops kick up

wind chimes ring out

as I step out of the shade of a billowing oak

the sun dapples through the leaves

it makes intricate patterns of light on the ground

the sun warms the skin on my face

with a deep breath

a drip of sweat rolls down from my forehead

to my chin and down my neck

the intensity of the sun

made pleasant by the blowing of the breeze

the ice cubes in my coffee have all nearly melted

a few remaining pieces tick against the cup

the condensation drips through my fingers

and on to the ground

with each step I take in the sweet southern air

I settle in

a moment sun soaked

wrapped in fragrant breeze

and soulful sounds

a New Orleans memory.